If Arby had ears, they'd
have pricked up at that moment. He
turned to the frizzy-haired little girl lying next to him on her bed.
"Well, wot's all this, then?" Arby quieried the child.
"I think you play too rough, Arby," Reenie whispered.
"Oh, come along, then. In
two weeks we'll 'ave ya tough 'nough
ta take on a 'ole droid army double-fisted, single-'anded, n' triple
Small Lady closed her eyes, turned away, and shuddered.
The ArbyFish blinked. "Oh,
well, then. Wotcha think, eh? Eh?
Eh?" He pulled out a mushroom and a spoon, beginning to whittle the
fungus into an ornate carving. "We'z gots ta getcha ready ta stage a
chicken coup lata' on." He glanced over to her. "Aye mean, Sereni'y
doesn't wont ta rule _foreva'_! She'd loike ta pass it off ta th'
next generation a' 'Chubby' Sushi just'as much's th' next monarch. N'
it takes a strong rula' ta kick out someone loike ya motha'. Ya see,
those guys from Nemesis'd loike ta 'ave th' place. But they's got no
sense a stoyle. They can't even come up with a goofy 'nough 'airstyle
ta win th' war! It's awl in the 'air, ya see. Whoeva' 'as the
puffiest 'airstoyle... wins. Th' electricity 'elps ya roight noicely,
it does! You're a shoe-in!"
By this time, Lil' Mucus
had her pillow wrapped tightly
around her head, groaning.
"Oh, well, then!" the seal-like
creature exclaimed gleefully,
fluttering over to her, where he stuffed the carved mushroom into
one of her pockets. "There ya go!"
The Green ArbyFish began
to flutter off like a sparrow, but
stopped when he heard a high-pitched purple-cat giggle.
"Arby!" Diana greeted, smiling
up at him as she walked through
the door. "What's been going on? I heard Sailor Earth was due for
"Well, ya see," Arby began, "plans change, n'-"
Diana gasped, a knowing grin
creeping onto her face. "Plans
change, huh? Does that mean what I think it does?"
"Errrmh... No!" Arby replied,
glancing around for an escape
"Awww," the kitten laughed,
"it _does_! You _are_ going to
ask me to the dance, aren't you?"
Arby fluttered down to perch
on a lampshade, narrowing his
eyes at her. "ArbyFish do not dance," he said, then paused, thinking
about it for a second before continuing, "Well, maybe we'd clog-
dance or tap-dance on occasion, but that's only ta summon th' great
Eternal Mushroom afta' gatherin' the Seven... Billion... Dragon
Mushroom... Marble Balls. But only on weekends. Ya see, in orda'
ta properly secure-"
"Hehe," Diana giggled, "you're cute!"
The odd creature winced,
his fur ruffled. He looked back
down at her in horror. "Y-y-y," he stuttered, "you CAN'T mean that!"
Diana batted her eyes at him, smiling.
Once again, Arby winced.
"Oh," he muttered, "you DO!" He took
a quick breath and straightened. "Aye'm afraid you'll 'ave ta pay
th' penalty, then." He marched along the lampshade with a military
air. "You will be tortured first, then poked, prodded, n' served
up with a noice white-wine sauce-"
The purple kitten giggled,
looking up at him. "That's REALLY
cute! You're adorable, sugar."
recoiled dramatically, fluttering
to the top of the room. "Nooo," he whispered, then levitated
downwards to sit in front of Diana, narrowing his eyes at her.
The ArbyFish scrunched down
and began to secrete copious amounts of a foamy, white pus, which
permeated his fur and dripped down into the carpet, soiling it
forever with the foul-smelling liquid.
Diana gasped as the disgusting
thing dove at her in a flash and
rubbed the seething, putrid fluid all over her.
"EEEEEEW!!!" the cat shouted.
Arby drew back, and looked
at her with a predatory smile. "Not
so cute NOW, iz Aye?"
Diana flicked some of the
gross substance off of her fur.
"Yuck," she muttered, and looked up at Arby. "Go take a bath!"
Arby hopped closer, looking
emotionally hurt. "Oh, but I
want a kiss-"
"NO!" Diana screamed, pushing him back with both of her paws.
The ArbyFish nodded to himself,
quite pleased at the response,
and shook himself clean. He looked at the soiled kitten. "Alroight.
G'boye, then." He made a shooing motion at her with his flippers.
Diana chuckled, taking a
step forward. "Ooooh no," she said, an
intelligent look spreading its way across her face, "you're not
gettin' outta it _that_ easily! You're goin' to the dance with me
Arby snapped... a twig between
his flippers. "NOOO!" he
shouted at her, then flew up and snatched the mushroom carving out
of Reenie's pocket, swooping down and handing it to the cat. "Have
sum fungus, on ya way. If ya don't, we'll 'ave fillet!"
The sealish thing began escorting
her out of the room, singing
a cheery song to the tune of the Seven Dwarves' work music.
o/Haiku! Haiku! It's off
ta school wit'chew!
Have sum 'shrooms, it's off with you.
Haiku, Haiku! Haiku!\o
He took her outside, just beside the street.
A yellow school bus roared
closer, screeching to a halt
right in front of them.
As the door opened, Arby tossed Diana inside.
The driver closed the door,
and the bus sped off into the
"N' that takes care a' that,"
Arby said, dusting off his
flippers. He nodded to himself, then turned to go back inside,
coming face-to-face with a cute, young, female kitten.
"Hi, Arby!" Diana exclaimed cheerfully.
*CHOMP!* Startled, Arby swallowed the cat whole.
"I'll deal with 'er later,"
he said, then fluttered off
to learn more about his history at the library.
All things considered, twentieth
century Tokyo was not that
confusing of a place to live in.
However, Kasumi Incognito
sat puzzled as she attempted to
decipher some of the logic that had been bombarding her for the
[N' then the mushroom sez,]
the voice of the captured
ArbyFish echoed through the metal walls of the round container,
[Aye IS the Pumpkin Thing!]
Under the plate, the Mumbling
Moscow Clown Mushroom honked
its nose in amusement.
[They always loike that one.]
"Ah, Arby?" Kasumi began, confused a hand at her cheek.
[Wot? That essay wuz roight comical, it was!]
"I just thought you might
like to know that I love my daughter,
and I can't let you hurt her."
[I wuzzn't gonna 'urt 'er.
Just... soften 'er up a bit. Ya
know, munch on 'er spoinal collumn, drain 'er brain... Stuff ta
keep 'er from gettin' too perfect. Toime Guardian's orda's.]
"That's wrong, Arby."
"Even if Sailor Pluto told you to do something-"
[Know Saila' Plu'o, eh? Well,
she didn't tell me to, really.
She asked real noice!]
Kasumi paused. "Even if someone
asks _very_ nicely, you
shouldn't do bad things."
[N' just whoy not?]
Terra's mother explained
a few basic concepts of right and
wrong, making it very clear to note that doing what is right is
far more important than doing what is wrong. She went on to explain
that harming innocent people, _especially_ her daughter, was wrong.
['Ow ya figger that?]
"It... it just IS!"
The ArbyFish was silent for
a moment. [Oh, well, then. That'd
be different, wouldnnit? But Plu'o _did_ ask first...]
The ponytailed woman sighed, shaking her head. "Arby, I-"
*CRASH!* A loud noise from
upstairs cut off further
Kasumi gasped, holding a
hand to her mouth. "Oh my. That's
from Terra's room!"
She turned away from the
trapped ArbyFish and hurried up the
Pulling open the door to
Terra's bedroom, Kasumi's eyes widened
at the sight of a parent's nightmare.
The wall had been blasted
open, and a wild-haired man had her
daughter draped over his armored shoulder. He glanced over to her.
"Hey, thanks," Kakkorotto said. "I checked her power potential, and
it's _way_ high. Once I break her will, she'll make a _great_
apprentice." He grinned. "Oh, did I say apprentice? I meant SLAVE!"
A blue aura flared up around
him, and he sped off through the
damaged wall, a peal of mocking laughter echoing as he left.
Kasumi paled. "Oh," she whispered in quiet horror, "oh my!"
*Beep*Beep* A small, pink,
calculator-like device on Terra's
bed gave off a soft tone.
The brown-haired woman looked
down at it, pursed her lips,
and picked it up.
"Terra, are you there?" Serena
whined through her small
communicator. "I can't sleeeep."
Luna opened an eye. "You
know that's only supposed to be
used for Sailor business. If you wanted to talk to her, you could
have used the telephone."
The pigtailed girl looked
down at her. "I know, Luna, but..."
She trailed off as she noticed that the face on the communicator's
little screen was not Terra. "Ummmm," she began uneasily, "Mrs.
Incognito!? What are you... Err... Why are you talking to me on
Terra's secret Sailor Scou... Oh! Umm... Ehhh..."
As Serena continued to fidget,
Kasumi answered, looking _very_
worried, "I'm afraid that Terra has," she stopped, shaking her head
in disbelief, "Oh my... She's been abducted by an alien!"
Serena blinked. "An alien!?"
"You're SURE it wasn't the
Starlight Knight?" Raye asked,
frantically looking through a few scrolls that had such titles
as 'Fireball,' 'Elkemia Lance,' and 'Ra Tilt.'
"Oh no, of course not," the
ponytailed woman replied, "he's
at his restaurant, tending to his duties there. Besides, he has
a boy and a girl to take care of. He doesn't have time to do
Raye raised an eyebrow. "Know something I don't?"
"I know that you need to
help Terra," Kasumi said, then
Amy Anderson wasn't fazed
by Kasumi's sudden appearance on
her Sailor Scout communicator, or even by the announcement that
Terra had been taken captive by a powerful extraterrestrial force.
The blue-haired girl merely
took it all in stride, nodding
along as other details about the situation were explained to her.
The kidnapper was a member
of a warrior race, but the records
of that alien species showed him as only being a third-class soldier,
and as such it should be possible to track down and defeat him.
Amy decided to be polite
and not ask why she was on the
communicator, or how she knew all this. "Thank you, Mrs. Incognito.
I'll be right there."
The woman smiled and deactivated
the communicator, disappearing
Amy put aside the book she
had been studying for school, "Our
Enemy the Tachyonic Flux Capacitor," and picked up her small, blue
Suddenly, she paused and
looked down at it, getting the odd
feeling like she wasn't going to see it again or something...
This was quite strange, especially
considering the fact that
she was taking it with her.
"Bizarre," Ami commented to herself.
The sayajin warrior sped
across the city, landing in the
middle of a small park, just in front of a relatively small, grey
"Funny how the pod's security
system would want to land here,
specifically," Kakkorotto commented, pulling out his remote for the
*Bok-bwok!* The pod's door slid open.
"Should be room enough for
both of us," the sayajin added,
looking at the redheaded girl in pajamas he was carrying, "but it
might get a bit cramped. These things are designed for single-troop
movements." He paused. "Then again, Nappa can fit into one of
these, so come on, how small can they be?" He chuckled, looking
up and shaking his head.
Terra began regaining consciousness,
her eyelids tightening
in a sort of wince. "Mmmmh..."
Kakkorotto's scouter beeped,
noting a sharp, nearby power
increase. Following the directional indicator, he saw that it was
coming from Terra. "Wow, you're already getting up there, aren't
you? Your power level's TRIPLED in the last five minutes!"
The girl's eyes shot open,
and she looked up at him, obvious
hurt in her eyes. "Breaking into my room and kidnapping me wasn't
*ZZzzrrrrr* A tear flowed
down her cheek as she unconsciously
began to build a flaring red aura up around herself.
Kakkorotto laughed. "Sorry,
I can't have you powering up just
now." He reached into the pod and pulled out a flat, metallic
device, which he placed against Terra's forehead.
*BZZT!* Immediately, the redhead went limp.
Somewhere, a pink-haired man winced.
"Ow," he muttered, rubbing
his crescent-mooned forehead,
"this thing's burning..."
"Would you like some ice?"
Ukkyo asked between serving
"Yeah. Better make it dry ice, though. It's gettin' *WARM.*"
"Dry ice?" the brown-haired
young woman mused with a raised
eyebrow. She shrugged. "Okay. It's _your_ head, I guess."
"Heh," the sayajin laughed,
placing the girl in the pod, "if
I didn't find _her_, I would've said this whole trip was a bust."
He paused. "Of course, that Saffron guy almost managed to scratch
my armor." He shook his head and began to climb into the spacecraft.
He stopped and glanced back with a thoughtful look. "I guess I might
as well blow up the place when I blast off..."
"Stop right there!" an authoritative girl's voice commanded.
Kakkorotto looked back to
see three young women... in skimpy,
color-coded sailor suits. "Hey, now..." He tapped his scouter, rows
of alien numbers tumbling across the display.
The blonde sailor started
to pose, emphasising each point of
her speech. "Kidnapping innocent young girls to become slaves is
unforgivable. I am Sailor Moon, champion of justice, I right wrongs
and triumph over evil, and in the name of the Moon-"
"And in the name of Mars," the black-haired girl added.
"And Mercury," the blue-highlighted one continued.
The trio got into a group
stance and finished with a big,
dramatic, "We will punish you!"
Kakkorrotto finished examining
the figures on his scouter,
and looked at the girls with a smirk. "Oh, come on! This is like
beating up on my little sisters!" He paused, laughing in remembrance.
"Yeah, I always enjoyed that."
*Whoosh*BLAM!* The sayajin
put out a hand, sending a small
fireball into the midst of the group, the explosion forcing them
Sailor Mars regained her
footing and turned toward the man,
putting her hands together. "Mars Fire," she intoned, a flame
appearing at the edge of her fingertips, "Ignite!"
A blast of fire sped toward
Kakkorotto, and washed harmlessly
up against an energy barrier.
"Mercury Bubbles," Sailor
Mercury began, crossing her arms
in front of herself, a blue energy building up in front of her. She
spun around once and released it, "BLAAAST!"
The cold bubbles burst into
a spray of mist, obscuring the
area in a dense fog.
The blue-haired girl gasped
as Kakkorotto appeared next to
her, unphased by the appearance of the fog, he grinned, and flicked
her into the ground.
*CRACK!* Something broke as Mercury landed. She lay still.
The fog faded away.
Sailor Moon's eyes widened
as she saw her fallen companion.
"Mercury!" She focused her attention on Kakkorotto, eyes narrowing.
"Moon," she began, her tiara flaring up, "Tiara," the jewel on the
tiara gleamed, "Action!"
Flaring once more, the tiara
rose off Sailor Moon's head
and dove at the sayajin.
*Ching!* Kakkorotto caught the small, flying object.
"Tiara, trap him!" the blonde blurted out.
*Bling* The glowing disc
flared into a circle, which quickly
expanded, then contracted around the armored warrior, trapping his
arms at his waist.
"Mars Fire," Sailor Mars began again, "Ignite!"
The fire leapt at Kakkorotto,
again not getting past the
"Mars Fire... IGNITE!"
Once more, the attack didn't even reach its target.
"Sailor Moon," Mars called,
"he's too strong for my fire! I'm
going to try-"
"No you're not," Kakkorotto said.
The raven-haired girl looked at him. "Why not?"
Seemingly as an afterthought,
the sayajin snapped the glowing
ring that had appeared to be binding him, the energy reforming into
the tiara and falling to the ground with a soft thud. "Because I'm
not done playing with you yet." He thrust out his hand.
"AAAH!" Mars shrieked as
she was tossed back, up against a
large, granite rock.
Sailor Moon gasped, her hands
at her mouth as Kakkorotto
turned toward her.
*WHOOOSH*CHING!!* There was
a red flash, a sonic boom, and
a long-stemmed rose imbedded itself in the ground in front of
"Only a coward beats up on
defenseless young girls," a
tuxedo-clad figure high up in a tree declared in a _very_
unhappy tone, "I am Tuxedo Mask. Believe in yourself, Sailor,"
he paused, having to think about it for a moment, "Moon, and
you can defeat-WAAAAAH!"
*BLAAAAAAM* Kakkorotto wasted
no time with him, crushing
the rose with his foot, then raising his hands and firing off a
*HUGE* white ball of energy, which blasted Tuxedo Mask high into
the air, his cool, mysterious image crumbling in the wake of such
Little black scraps of something fell to the ground.
Sailor Moon was hyperventilating in fear at this point.
"Urgh," Mars began, gritting
her teeth as she stood up, "all
right, that's it." She cracked her knuckles and held her hands
together. "I hope this works." She cleared her throat. "Source
of all Power," she said.
Kakkorotto sighed in boredom.
Mars' voice took on an echoing
quality. "Crimson Power Burning
The sayajin released a
group of energy balls at her, which swept into the ground underneath
her, blasting up the terrain and encasing the girl in rock.
Sailor Moon looked on, agape
in shock, glancing between Terra,
who was unconscious in the metal pod, Mercury, who was unmoving on
the ground, the scattered charred remnants of black cloth, and the
pile of rock where Mars had been standing.
"So, when do we start fighting?"
Kakkorotto asked matter-of-
factly. "I'm really itching for some good action."
The pigtailed Senshi took
another look at what had become
of her friends, then turned back to him, her expression becoming
very determined. "You want action? I'll give it to you!"
On the ground, her tiara
flared up again, rising into the
air and rushing at Kakkorotto.
*KSSST* The black-haired
warrior deflected the attack with
an open palm.
*Zrr*KSSH!* The tiara burned
even more brightly than before,
lunging at Kakkorotto like a coiled snake, but was knocked away
*ZRR*KSSSSSSH!* And again.
*KRSSSH* And again.
During one of these distractions,
Sailor Moon leapt in for
But Kakkorotto was not there to receive it.
Rather, the sayajin appeared
behind her to lightly smack
her into the ground, dumping her several feet into the ground.
"Oh well," Kakkorotto muttered,
pointing a hand at the
Sailor Moon leapt
out of the hole just before the sayajin's blast obliterated the
territory, digging a bottomless pit for a football-field length
in front of him.
The Senshi landed behind
Kakkorotto and swungg her hand down
in a chopping motion, slapping harmlessly against his armor.
"Ow," Sailor Moon whispered, holding her hand.
"Hey, pretty impressive,"
the warrior commented, turning
toward her. "Let's see you evade _this_." He held a hand, cupped
upwards, where a focused white sphere appeared. "My brother taught
it to me. It's called," he smiled, "keep your eye on the birdy."
"WAAAAAAAAAH!" Sailor Moon
shouted in panic, sidestepping the
shot as it came at her, then jumping above it as it sped back towards
her, then finally tripping into the ground, allowing the sphere to
slam directly into Kakkorotto with its continued velocity.
His hair singed, Kakkorotto
looked in displeasure at the
girl. "Hey! No fair using my own attacks against me."
On the ground, Sailor Moon
shrugged nervously. "Well," she
fidgeted, "you're supposed to keep your eye on the birdy!"
"Yeah," the sayajin laughed, "I guess you're right."
With that statement, he began
tossing hundreds of little
energy spheres towards her at an impossible rate.
the pigtailed Senshi cried,
somehow managing to dodge each and every one of the explosions
as she ran around like a chicken with its head cut off while
they obliterated the park's few remaining features.
"Nice," Kakkorotto said,
appearing behind her. "Can you
"How about this?"
At this point, Kakkorotto
had Sailor Moon on the ground,
thoroughly battered with a black eye and her legs pinned to the
ground by his right boot.
"Owwwwwww," Sailor Moon whined,
tears flowing down her cheeks,
"Doesn't it, though?" Kakkorotto said, amused.
"No. You're a weak, powerless
little girl. You can't make
me. I'm going to kill you, take that girl, break her will on
some hostile planet until she's my willing servant. But before
that, I'm going to blow up this stupid planet because everyone's
so pathetic, you're practially just begging me to kill all of you
Sailor Moon tried to pull
away. "I'll stop you," she forced
out, "in the name of the Moon, I will stop you!"
Kakkorotto laughed. "I don't
think so. You've all been
trying your hardest, doing your 'best' work, and I haven't even
been scratched yet." He grinned. "Actually, it's kind of funny.
Especially the noises you people make when you die."
The Moon Senshi took in all
that was said, her strugglings
in vain. All her weapons hadn't done a thing. Her friends were
gone. There was nothing she could do to stop this man, and she
But she couldn't just give up!
"Anyway," Kakkorotto continued,
pointing a hand at her and
smiling malevolently, "it's time to send you to the next dimension."
Sailor Moon clenched her hand into a fist.
For her friends, if nothing else.
The sayajin's scouter beeped. He blinked at it.
Kakkorotto was sent flying
back against an outcropping of
broken rock, as ball of energy impacted and burned against his chest
"AAAARRRGGHH!!!" the sayajin
yelled as he tried to resist,
block, or dodge the effects of the blast, failing completely, forcing
him to take the full brunt of the attack.
Within a few seconds, the
energy had faded, and Kakkorotto fell
sideways to the ground, gasping for air, a glowing molten pock mark
in his armor.
Sailor Moon slumped back
to the ground with a sigh, her hand
clutching the Crescent Moon Wand.
"W... whoa man," Kakkorotto
coughed, his eyes bulging as he
struggled to his feet. "Th... that's impossible," he whispered,
then called out, "You're, at best, two-thirty! How did you do that!?"
"Umm, uh," Sailor Moon stammered
in fear and exhaustion, "I
don't know! It just happened! Sorry!"
"That's it!" the sayajin
shouted, beginning to levitate into
the air. "You're toast! All of you!" He raised his arms, a bright
yellow aura blazing around him.
Suddenly, he stopped as he felt a tug from below.
Kakkorotto looked down to
see a badly-battered Sailor Mars
with her hand clutched firmly on his brown tail, which had been
knocked loose by the recent blast.
Sailor Mars turned her face
toward him, a cold hatred in
her eyes. "We're not through yet," she began. "Fire..."
The alien warrior looked at her in horror. "Not the TAIL!!!"
Mars tightened her grip. "BALL!!!"
Instantly, Kakkorotto's tail burst into flames.
He fell to the ground, writing
in agony as the girl's powers
continued to burn him.
Mercury pushed herself into
a sitting position and took out
her computer. She tapped her earring, causing her display visor
to appear over her eyes. She began to scan. "He's weakening!" the
blue-haired girl called. "Finish him off, Sailor Moon! It's now
"Uh," Sailor Moon said uneasily,
"Right!" She stood, holding
up her wand, then paused, looking down at it. "Now, how do I use
"Urgh," Kakkorotto choked out, "Forget this!"
The man clenched his teeth,
closed his eyes, and brought
his hands apart.
black hair turned a light shade
of gold and was forced up in the wake of the rest of the power
that now surrounded him.
Mars was blown back by the force of the sudden powerup.
The brooch on Sailor Moon's
chest shattered, her clothes
returning to blue and pink bunny pajamas in a swirl of magical
ribbons. She fell to the ground in the wind from the blast.
Mercury gasped as her computer
tried to comprehend the
sheer energies coming from the man. "A POWER LEVEL OF-"
*BLAM!*ZRRT* Her computer's
core exploded, fragments of the
CPU smashing out of the main case. The girl's visor flickered out
in a burst of static.
The level one Super Sayajin
surveyed his handywork and saw
that everyone who managed to land a blow on him was down.
Sailor Mercury, though, had managed to stand up.
Deciding he needed something
a bit more... personal to work
out his rage about all this than just blowing up the planet, he
approached her, his hands charged.
Mercury looked up at him,
fearful but determined. She crossed
her arms in front of herself. "Mercury," she began, then stopped.
Kakkorotto threw his hands
out, causing a massive burst to
erupt from the ground below the blue-haired girl.
"Freezing!" Mercury finished,
encasing herself in a block of
supercooled ice that her enemy's energy instantly began to erode.
The Super Sayajin came closer to admire the means of her death.
*WHACK!* As the last ice
was destroyed, Sailor Mercury
smashed her computer into Kakkorotto's scouter, knocking it off
"Hey!" Kakkorotto shouted
in annoyance, and smacked her
away, causing a sickening crunch in her ribs.
Sailor Mercury stayed down this time.
The blonde warrior glanced
around, then looked down at his
fallen scouter. "Eh... That thing's useless." Deciding that he
was pretty much fed up with the whole mess, he walked back over
to his pod, where Terra still lay.
*Whoosh!*Da-da, da-da!* There
was a green flash with dramatic
*Ching!* And an ArbyFish
imbedded himself into the ground
between Kakkorotto and the pod.
The Super Sayajin blinked, his arms dropping. "What the...?"
Arby pulled himself out of
the ground, the dramatic music
fading to an Irish jig as he started to dance around.
"Not so fast," the creature
commanded, coming to a halt in
front of him.
The music slowed down.
Arby turned to the monkey
with a fiddle and a pair of bagpipes
next to him. "Not you!" he said in annoyance, then turned back to
Kakkorotto. "'Ello, sez Aye ta you ta me n' you back in return!"
Kakkorotto raised an eyebrow.
"Aye challenge you to a duel! Mushrooms at sunroise."
"Yeah, whatever," the man
said with a shrug, stepping over
him towards his pod.
*Snick*SLAAAAAAAM!* The ArbyFish
grabbed Kakkorotto by the
lapels and bodyslammed him way over into the nigh-bottomless pit
that had been created earlier.
"Aye will not be ignored,"
the green, black, and white thing
said, his oddly-accented voice dripping with an even deeper annoyance
than before. Wiping the annoyance from his mouth, he continued, "Ya'z
gots ta foight me in a duel ta the death."
Kakkorotto slowly levitated
out of the pit, a bemused look on
"First guy ta doie," Arby
added, "wins! C'mon, take ya best
shot!" Sitting up on his tail, he patted his soft, white underbelly.
The Super Sayajin stared,
then shrugged. "What the h... Well,
if you insist."
Kakkorotto held his
hands together, a whirlwind ripping around him, and the ground
further crumbling throughout the park. He thrust his hands forward,
a tremendous, sparking golden beam shooting out from them, headed
directly toward the tiny creature.
The river of energy poured
forward, buildings in the distance cracking from the discharge.
Arby stood firm, allowing the blast to come.
Then, suddenly, the beam
came to a halt, just a couple feet
away from the Green ArbyFish. The energy coalesced together,
appearing to be thinking about something, and after a moment took off
in another direction. "Yipe, yipe, yipe!" the energy howled as it
departed into the sky.
Kakkorotto cut off the blast, and looked down in confusion.
Arby chuckled. "It's afraid a' me. You should be, too."
"Okay, nice trick," the Super
Sayajin admitted, "let's see
how you do against level three, you little bugger."
Kakkorotto clenched his eyes
shut and held his arms apart.
The aura around him intensified, and his hair grew and grew... and
grew some more. Finally, his puffy mane went down to his ankles.
"HAH!" he yelled, his voice echoing, his eyes wide, and his face
twisted into a hyperpowered, overconfident, drug-tripping grin.
"'Twas brillig," Arby began
calmly, "n' the sloivey toves-"
He held up his flippers, pointed toward the third level Super
*KERACK!* A lightning bolt
singed the man, slicing a long gash
through the side of his armor.
Kakkorotto was surprised.
He had actully been trying to dodge
"Did gyre n' gymble in the
wabe," the ArbyFish continued. He
made a downward slapping motion with his flipper.
*SMACK!* Before he could
react, Kakkorotto found himself driven
head first into the ground. He yanked himself out, only in time to
hear, "All mymsy were the borogroves!"
*BLAAAAM!* The ground exploded underneath the man.
"And the mome raths out grabe!"
*WHACK!!!* A tree ripped
itself out of the ground and
smacked the Super Sayajin in the face, doing much more damage
than it should have.
"Beware the Jabberwock, moiy son!"
head was smashed aside, feeling as
if he'd just been given a sharp uppercut--one that could easily
crack continental plates.
"The jaws that boite!"
*CLAMP!*CREAK*SLAM!* An unseen
force bit down on the Super
Sayajin's breastplate, digging in with sharp tooth marks, picking
him up and again slamming him into the ground.
"The claws that catch!"
*KWASHIIING!!!* Several deep
claw marks slashed their way
across Kakkorotto's armor.
"Beware the Jubjub Bird, n' shun the Frumjious Bandersnatch!"
*Eeee!*Eeee!* A huge bird,
larger than a condor, swept down
low, and snatched a young white harp seal from the ground, flying
"Oh dear, not again," the seal muttered in a depressed tone.
"He took his vorpal sword
in hand," Arby continued, whipping
out a Heavy, Blunt Object(TM). "Long time the manxome foe he sought!"
Enraged, Kakkorotto dove
down at him, at speeds that even
sayajin eyes had no chance of detecting.
*WHACK!* Arby smacked him
away with his weapon, then leaned
against a nearby mushroom. "So rested he by the tumtum tree," he
added, polishing the mallet-like object he carried, "and stood awhile
Landing, Kakkorotto held
his head in pain, then turned and
looked toward Arby.
"And while in oomphish thought
he stood," the creature said,
noting Kakkorotto's enraged approach. "The Jabberwock, with eyes of
flame came wiffling through the tulgey wood..."
As the man dove forward, Arby stared at him.
*Crunch!* Kakkorotto winced as a few of his ribs shattered.
Arby smiled. "And burbled as it came."
The long-haired Super Sayajin
growled, diving at his small
foe with a flurry of low punches.
Arby fought back with all
his might, blocking the punches
with his weapon. "One-two, one-two, and through and through, the
vorpal blade went snicker-snack!"
Arby smashed his Heavy, Blunt
Object(TM) into Kakkorotto's head, knocking him to the ground in
a deep daze.
"He left it dead, and with
its head," the ArbyFish grabbed
the end of the man's long hair and began to hop off, dragging him
behind, "he went galumphing back."
"And hast thou slain the
Jabberwock?" Arby recited, stopping
and dumping his burden in front of him. "Come to my arms, my beamish
Kakkorotto choked in complete and utter disbelief.
"Oh, frabjous day, calooh,
callay, he chortled in his joy!"
Arby exclaimed, then flung the third level Super Sayajin high into
"Twas brillig and the sloivey
toves," Arby continued, aiming
his flippers at the airborne warrior.
"Did gyre and gymble in the
wabe," the Green ArbyFish said
with a grin as he watched Kakkorotto fall limply to the ground.
"All mymsy were the borogroves, and the mome raths out grabe."
A horde of recently released zoo animals applauded at him.
"Why, thank you," Arby said,
taking a bow. Suddenly, he
stopped, turning back to his opponent with a frown. Like a small
bird, he hopped over to where Kakkorotto lay.
The ArbyFish prodded him
with a flipper. "'Scuse me, do you
'ave ta gymble so loudly?"
replied, his angry eyes bulging
at the creature.
"Oh," Arby blinked, "well,
then." He pointed his flippers at
him. "Melee Caleeky Maka!" he called out in Hawaiian.
"Y un nuevo año felicidad!" Arby continued in Spanish.
The ArbyFish blinked. "Ya
not dead yet!" He frowned. "Ya
_really_ don't wont ta win, do ya?"
"Ughhh," Kakkorotto coughed,
flat on his back, his still-
unbelieving jaw hanging open.
Arby looked up. "Too bad.
'S a noice noight ta congeal. Look!
It's a REAL noice full moon tonoight. See? It's pokin' through the
clouds roight now, it iz!"
The thoroughly injured Super
Sayajin gasped, then turned
his head so that he could see the Moon. His horrified and confused
expression shifted to one of triumph.
Arby didn't so much as bat
an eyelash as he watched Kakkorotto
grow to a hundred times his previous size, the man's jaw elongating
and his body becoming covered in a thick, puffy golden fur. His
armor expanded with him and his eyes turned a glowing shade of red.
The ArbyFish looked at him.
"Hey! Aye can do that!" He closed
his eyes, scrunching down in high concentration.
*POOF!* Arby's fur fluffed
out. "'Hoeva' 'as th' puffiest
cheeks," he called out, "wins!" He smoothed back the cute tufts on
his face with his flippers.
The Super Oozaru rose into
the air, turning toward his
tormentor, spotting him without difficulty with his obscenely
enhanced senses. "ALL RIGHT," he bellowed, "THIS GALAXY IS HISTORY!"
He held his massive paws apart, his aura intensifying even further.
Arby blinked. "Oh dear...
This's gonna be an 'ard one ta win."
He whipped out a small mushroom, one that was dressed and colored
like a clown. "Gonna 'ave ta go full powa'."
Luna tossed and turned in her sleep.
From the looks of her surroundings
in her dream, she appeared
to be back home, in the Silver Millennium.
All was calm and at peace in the romanesque architecture.
Luna turned, coming face-to-face
with a somewhat familiar
male white cat. She blinked, blurting out, "Artemis?"
"Hey, there, kitty cat,"
Artemis replied with a bitter-sweet
smile. "Long time, no see."
"Why are we," the black cat
began, then paused and restarted,
"What are you doing here?"
Artemis sighed, shrugging.
"Well, sometimes, people get so
wrapped up in themselves, and think they're the only one that
matters..." He trailed off.
Luna tilted her head at him.
"What are you talking about,
The Super Oozaru's deep laughter
echoed across the landscape
as he completed the stages of his massive, final powerup. He could
not be seen through his swirling aura. However, it was quite certain
that his blinding, golden fur was exceptionally long.
Even so, the air stilled
as Kakkorotto took one last look
at his target. "NOW, YOU DIE."
*SQUELCH!* The glowing apelike
thing adjusted its footing,
smashing a very large, majestic mushroom patch.
Arby narrowed his eyes. "DON'T do that!"
"HAH!" the oozaru laughed.
"DO WHAT?" He shifted his stance
The ArbyFish's puffy fur
began to stand on end. "Alroight,
you asked for it." His expression focused and he held the
Mumbling Moscow Clown Mushroom in front of him. "MMMMH!"
Kakkorotto opened his huge,
gaping mouth, shooting out a huge,
*RWOAAAAR!* The blast slammed
up against a spherical barrier
of some sort around Arby, which blocked it, but began weakening
"What is it?" Luna asked.
The white cat looked at her.
"I don't have a lot of time,
Luna." He shook his head, looked down, and put a paw on her
shoulder. "I just wanted to apologize for all," he paused and
looked her in the eye, "for all the trouble I've caused you.
The ArbyFish clutched the
mushroom tighter, glaring back
up at Kakkorotto, his small teeth clenched. "Aye," he panted,
straining from the effort, "can't letcha!"
The Super Oozaru brought
his hands into the struggle, blasting
the shrinking barrier with even more power, but taking the pressure
off his mouth and allowing him to speak. "YOU AND YOUR PLANET WILL
BE DESTROYED, AND IF YOU'VE GOT A PROBLEM WITH THAT, TOO FRIGGIN'
Arby narrowed his eyes. "Alroight,
then," he began, and held
up his mushroom. "Habberjug and Willywug, sang Arby on the way!"
His barrier pulsed, growing slightly.
"HEH," Kakkorotto laughed,
and pooled all his resources into
his attack, spitting another constant beam into the fray.
In the wake of competing
forces, the terrain was blasted up
for miles, fragments of rock pulling off the ground. The city's
buildings cracked, pieces falling off.
"While dingos' kidneys stand
at lampposts," Arby continued,
"Gymbling 'till they say..."
Artemis had departed, and
Queen Serenity came forward,
looking down at Luna compassionately. She gazed out past the
palace courtyard. "Things have become very bad out there. I
wish there was something more I could do to stop it, but I'm
already doing all I can."
Luna frowned. "What is going on?"
The gossamer-winged Queen
sighed. "Something I may not
survive, I'm afraid." She knelt by the cat, her expression sad.
"Is there anything I can do?"
Serenity shook her head.
"No. No one else can do this."
She pulled out her wand, and placed a large, multifaceted
crystal on the tip.
"B-but that means," Luna stammered.
The woman nodded.
"Lil' Lizards always loike
Lil' Lumps a' Logs," Arby
chanted forcefully, his defenses in a draw with Kakkorotto's
A single, green tear went down the side of his face.
"N' Purple People Picking Pineapples Neva' Welcome Dogs!"
The mushroom Arby was carrying
pulsed, energies flowing
from it into him.
"I just wanted to say," Artemis
cut in, "You were right,
Luna, and I was just too stuck up to notice."
The black cat frowned, slowly
realizing that there was
far more to this than she comprehended at the moment.
"Goodbye, Luna," Serenity
and Artemis said somberly.
Luna awoke with a start.
"Arby!" she realized all at once. She
looked out the window, becoming witness to a horrific power struggle.
An ethereal sign pointed at Arby, which read, [An ArbyFish.]
A wry smile came to Arby's mouth. "In-deed!"
*WROARSH* Releasing the mushroom,
the small creature dove
into the multi-beam assault, forcing his way up toward the golden
*Plunk!* Arby plopped down Kakkorotto's throat.
All of the combined energies stopped their flow.
The transformed sayajin choked,
the red light from his
Kakkorotto screamed as his image
warped, twisted, and finally crumbled in the resulting explosion.
In just a few seconds, the
blast faded, and a new, slow
sweep of energy began to expand around the area.
The greenish glow swept past
where the Senshi lay, past
where Tuxedo Mask's ashes fell, and continued into the destroyed
The final extent of the blast
could be seen from orbit,
flickering before it vanished.
In the future, the ArbyFish
finished reading his
autobiographical history. He closed the book, trying to think
over all that had happened.
Finally, he smiled. "Oh dear, it appears that Aye've doied!"
*POOF!* Arby vanished in a puff of green temporal logic.
*Splat!* Diana fell to the
tabletop, covered in a thick,
"EEEEEEW!" she said, trying
to wipe the digestive and
preservative juices off of her.
Suddenly, Sailor Pluto stopped,
considering the course of
action she had been brought to.
She looked at the hellish
gate before her and the horrific
torments that lay within.
Her recently suppressed conscience
making a plea for reason,
she looked back at Ranma, who was still immobilized in her grip.
The Time Guardian dropped
to her knees, tossing aside her
staff and collapsing into Ranma's arms, her head on the smaller
girl's shoulder, red-faced and tears in her eyes.
"I just can't do it!" Setsuna cried.
Regaining her motor functions,
Ranma found that her arms
were around the green-haired woman's shoulders.
"Uh, look," the redhead began,
"whatever it is, I'm sure
it's nothing. We can get it all worked out."
Sailor Pluto sniffled, nodding
and holding the girl for
"So," Ranma continued uneasily,
trying but failing to
get far enough out of Setsuna's embrace to look into her eyes,
"what's this all about?"
"Well," the woman said in
a halting manner as she tried to take
a couple breaths to help herself calm down, holding to Ranma's
warmth, "it began when some _baka_ created a temporal paradox,
changing history forever, and infinitely frustrating my work..."
Neo-Queen Serenity walked
through one of her city's better
parks, considering the vision of the past she had just received.
The one known as the Starlight
Knight, the one she had
thought had just up and left, had in fact died somehow after
Terra's fight with Metallia.
Despite the man's usually
obnoxious attitude and careless
manner, he had helped her and the rest of the Senshi at nearly
every turn. He was gone on his own unknown quests a lot of the
time, but when he had shown up to help, there was no need for
any of them to worry.
At least, until that final battle.
Serenity shook her head,
sad that he and Terra were gone. Who
knows what they could have accomplished for the world if they had
Serena gasped as she woke
up. "I'm alive!" she exclaimed in
joy. She sat up and looked around, seeing that she was in a hospital
room. On other beds, sleeping soundly, were her friends, their
transformations having been canceled somewhere along the way. "Amy!
Raye! Terra! You're alive."
The blonde girl looked to
the other side of the room, then
frowned in disappointment. "Oh," she deadpanned, "so are you."
Darien, in a tattered tux,
looked at her and chuckled weakly.
"Yeah, nice to see you too, Meatball Head."
Serena held out a hand. "Don't
start with me, Darien." She
fumbled around, looking for her brooch. She found it on a table
next to her, broken in several fragments. "Oh," she whispered,
then shrugged. "Maybe Luna can get me another one or something..."
A blue-haired woman by the
name of Doctor Anderson walked in,
followed by a very worried-looking Kasumi Incognito, who glanced at
Serena, smiled slightly, then hurried over to Terra.
Doctor Anderson looked a
few things over on a clipboard she
was carrying, then looked up to announce, "Everyone, I'm glad to
tell you that your injuries were not serious." She turned to Amy,
who had just awakened. "Except you. A broken arm and a few fractured
ribs, plus a mild concussion. You're going to be staying here a
little while, young lady."
Amy smiled slightly. "Thanks for coming, Mom. I'm sorry for-"
Doctor Anderson held up a
hand. "No, I heard about the blast,
your injuries have been checked, and I don't think I could handle
hearing any more." She looked down at her clipboard. "From what
the reports say, you're all lucky to have survived.
"How long were we out of it?" Darien asked.
"A couple hours," the doctor
said. "Those of you who have
school could probably go." She quickly added. "Except you, Amy."
"But Mother," Amy almost whined.
"No buts," Doctor Anderson said firmly.
Kasumi just looked into Terra's
eyes, held her hand, and
"Okay," 'Tim smiled, "the
burning's stopped." He pulled
the dry ice off his forehead, a strip of skin peeling off with it.
"Well," he added, his smile flickering as the nerve endings around
the crescent moon on his forehead regenerated, "now that I think
about it, regular ice would have been more effective."
"Less painful, maybe?" Ukkyo
guessed, tossing out the orders
for three people.
The pink-haired man thought about it. "Yeah, maybe..."
"Helloooo!" an orange-haired
young woman wearing a black
and red sorceress outfit called from her table. "Your free meal
all-you-can-eat customers are still hungry!" She indicated the
tall, blond man and the other girl next to her.
"Be right there!" 'Tim called
back, and turned to his
employee. "So, how are you holding up as the sole cook, waitress,
et cetera at this place?"
The brown-haired woman started
pouring a couple more
okonomiyaki and shrugged. "It's great, just what I've always
'Tim leaned in to whisper,
"No sudden energy cravings or
Ukkyo shook her head. "Nope.
None. After that weird jolt you
gave me just after we were both almost killed, everything's been
"Ah, good. I was wondering about that."
At a far-off table, a blue-haired
woman and a black-haired
man in formal wear, codenamed Ikuko and Kenji Tsukino, were glancing
around, trying not to attract attention.
"I heard that Serena was in the hospital," Ikuko said.
Kenji nodded. "Yeah, but
she's okay. We can meet up with
her a little later. But for now, meeting our contact is of great
international importance." He paused, looking at a man that just
came in. "There he is. That's him."
A purple-haired man wearing
archaic clothing, carring a
staff walked toward them, a cheerful expression on his face. His
hair was in a page cut. "Greetings. How is everything?"
"Oh," Ikuko said, "a few
family things to take care of
later, but nothing serious."
"Good," the newcomer said,
and sat down beside them. "What
can I do for you?"
"There's a little," Kenji
began, "concern that we have.
We need information."
"Sure. On what?"
"Just one man," Ikuko said.
Kenji took a quick look around,
and leaned in to whisper,
"Victor Ayrie. Where is he?"
"Ah," the purple-haired man
said, the two international agents
hanging on his every word. He smiled. "That is a secret."
Kenji and Ikuku slumped back
into their seats. "Oookay," they
Nephrite stopped his chanting.
The stars whispered to him
that there was no need to repent of
all his past misdeeds quite yet.
The 'power from the stars'
that had come to destroy them had
That shouldn't have happened,
especially with the celestial
objects involved in such a decision.
The brown-haired general shook his head. "Oh well."
If the world wasn't doomed, he had some planning to do.
In the small Negaverse cavern,
Kunzite stood proudly before
his assembled forces. "You," he said, "are the best... of the best.
None of the other youma can match your power, and I will now send
you on your first mission."
"Yes, Lord Malachite," the
small army of powerful-looking
General Kunzite closed his
eyes, recoiling in a strong wince,
then turned to the blonde woman next to him. "Zoicite, now is your
chance to eliminate Nephrite. My forces are at your command."
Zoicite smiled. "Thank you, Kunzite."
The silver-haired man smiled down at her. "You're welcome."
The female general stepped
toward the group. "Alright, people,
we're going to play a little game of cat and mouse with our friend
Nephrite. Now, as you know, a mouse needs a bit of cheese to be
lured in, so lets get some, shall we?"
A mouse-like youma squeaked
in delight, holding out a small
piece of Cheddar.
"I was speaking figuratively!" Zoicite shouted.
Doctor Samuel Beckett finally
managed to get to get comfortable
on Molly's bed, for yet another night in her room.
It wasn't a bad room, to
be sure, but this whole situation
wasn't getting resolved. How was he supposed to save Maxfield...
Nephrite's life if he didn't know where he was?!
All these thoughts were cut
off as he heard a rattling at the
A black mist spilled into
the bedroom, instantly knocking him
Two Norns were having a discussion.
"NO WAY, URD!" Skuld shouted. "I'm NOT going to do it!"
"But we need to fix the problem
with the registry. You said
yourself that you've squashed as many bugs as you could already.
We'd just be doing damage control. Besides, whoever heard of a male
goddess?" Urd debated back.
Skuld pouted. "Alright...
but ONLY if you can convince
Belldandy to go along with it."
"You got a deal! But I get to design the divine weapon."
"I'll get the dress."
Skuld grinned. "And I'll
arrange to transfer 'em to another
pantheon when we're done."
"A pink padded room should
be filled with genetically
engineered Cute and Fluffy Bunnies(TM), Tribbles(TM), Pokemon(TM),
Beanie Babies(TM), Teletubbies(TM), and various other creatures of
diabolical cuteness. There should be a number of TV screens playing
the most sickeningly sweet cartoons ever produced by humankind and
every cutsey theme song for every Magical Girl and 6 and under TV
show ever produced should be piped into the room via hidden speakers.
Bind the martial artist well and cast him into this maelstrom of
kawaii, and after a minimum of three days he'll either have begun to
learn the dreaded Kawaii-Ken, or be dead of diabetes."
-The Little Big Book of Insanely
Powerful and Really Idiotic
Martial Arts Techniques, by 'Tim S. Knight. Chapter 3: The
Ranma blinked, looking over
the book that contained the
training technique. "This was what you were planning on doing to me?"
Sailor Pluto nodded somberly.
"Yes. Can you find it in your
heart to forgive-"
The currently transformed
sailor-suited martial artist grinned.
"Sounds like a challenge. Bring it on!"
The Time Guardian laughed quietly.
It certainly was nice of
Ranma to try to make her feel better
like that: Treating the method as if it were no big deal; as if
she were not truly doing anything bad in the first place.
Maybe being engaged to someone
like Ranma wasn't such a bad
thing after all.
Ranma looked through the
book's table of contents. The chapters
listed as follows:
4: Planetary Breaking Points.
5: Ki Overcharging and Area-effect blastwaves.
6: Speed Building Techniques and Friction - effects and uses.
7: Ki Teleporting, Ki Telefragging.
8: Advanced Hammerspace Techniques.
9: Going Nuclear: Truly Final Attacks.
10: The Nastiest Pressure Points Ever Discovered.
11: Building Your Ki to Ridiculous Levels.
12: Ki Blasting The Likes of Which Most Gods Have Never Seen.
13: Intimidation Through
Property Damage - How to Make Most
Enemies Run Like Scared Little Girls.
14: Weapons Techniques That
the Masters of The Art say are
15: "Forbidden" One Finger Techniques.
16: "Forbidden" Punch Techniques.
17: "Forbidden" Kicking Techniques.
18: "Forbidden" Ki Techniques.
19: "Forbidden" Holds, Grappling, and Throws.
20: Jokes that make Armies
Appendix One : A Guide to the Immortal Masters of the Art.
Appendix Two : The
Fatal Weaknesses of the Juraian Sword Art
and the Jurai Power, and how to exploit them.
Appendix Three: How to Shatter Light Hawk Wings.
Appendix Four : How to kill Sayajins in Three Easy Steps.
Appendix Five : Body Hardening
Exersices You'd Have to be
Insane to Use.
Appendix Six : A Guide
To The Best Training Grounds In The
Appendix Seven: Fun Pressure
Points Guarunteed to Embarrass
"Heh heh heh," Ranma chuckled
evilly, opening to that last
appendix. "Wait 'till they get a load a' ME!"
&&&[To Be Continued...]
Today, we learned something very important.
(Scene of Vegita powering up to Super Sayajin level)
No matter how powerful you are...
(Scene of Lina Inverse powering up the Giga Slave)
No matter how many tricks you've got...
(Scene of Akuma brutally taking out M.Bison)
No matter how eeevil you think you are...
(Scene of Dark Schneider)
You can't beat an ArbyFish.
(Scene of Arby holding up a mushroom and reciting poetry)
Sailer Nuke sez. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA!!!